That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
