That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
