he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
