Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
