I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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