Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
