: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
