Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
