and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
