I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
