If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
