i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
