It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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