Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
