I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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