yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
