Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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