i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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