before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
