I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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