what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
