ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
