i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
