Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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