fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
