i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
