where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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