so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
