We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
