dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
