she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
