listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
