mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
