Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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