So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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