I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
