You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
