I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
