Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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