Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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