I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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