What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
