I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
