I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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