lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
