Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
not ubering you a puppy
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
