I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
