dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
