Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
