I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
