New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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