wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
