booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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