She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
