i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
