Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
