and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
