Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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