I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
