If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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