Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Buhtt sex?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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