If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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