just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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