Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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