just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
