He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
