Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
