Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
