Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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