so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
