jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
