his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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