I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
