im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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