we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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