i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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