Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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