Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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