No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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