My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
