Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
