just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
