How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize