My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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