either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize